I’ll never understand the British obsession with underwhelming Center Parcs

With a proposal for a 700-lodge Center Parcs village in the Scottish Borders, our writer questions the value of the middle class favourite

Picture a Scottish holiday, and you’re likely imagining rugged wilderness and sweeping open panoramas of breathtaking beauty. There will be, perhaps, a bit of stalking if you’re that way inclined, some fishing, or a dip in the achingly cold water if that’s more your jam. You might also conjure up the occasional midge, for a sense of place. Castles and cottages set precariously by the sea seem very much on brand, with roaring fires, tartan things and the rosy cheeks that signal time well-spent outside.
You probably don’t immediately think of an encampment of 700 wood and stone lodges, with all of the charm of a corporate retreat, clustered around a small, murky lake.
But this week Center Parcs announced its plans for a £350 million development, three miles north of Hawick and just over 50 miles south of Edinburgh, in the Scottish Borders. The new village will include the group’s signature Subtropical Swimming Paradise, its usual menu of indoor and outdoor activities, a spa, and the parade of shops, bars, and woeful chain restaurants found at its English locations. (The mainland European Center Parcs are run by a separate company, and can cost half what the British outlets charge).
This strikes me as a marital mismatch: a country characterised by its wild terrain, moody mountains looming under magnificent clouds, and fantastic wildlife, from red deer to golden eagles, deserves more than a sanitised holiday park, with about as much potential for adventure as your dentist’s office.
And still, the group’s appeal with the middle classes persists. It answers a specific need in our culture, which demands that we be entertained. There is a certain age of child, and type of parent, that prizes “something to do” over anything else on the holiday menu. Organised leisure is their greatest desire: this keeps children occupied and raises the possibility that parents might relax. Holiday parks endeavour to meet this need. But so much at Center Parcs requires parental participation (see: Subtropical Swimming Paradise and about half of the activities), that I wonder whether this is really the place to switch off.
A friend goes to Center Parcs in England annually with her NCT group. She sent an update from a three-day break with her four-year-old and his cohort not long ago, texting: “Today was somewhat relaxing. The children had Spy School for three hours. And I had lots of wine.” In Spy School, children don fancy dress, solve mysteries and decode secret messages. But their parents pay £38 for this privilege. Another parent recently complained that the mini jet-ski activity he signed his child up for – and which he had to attend – lasted all of 10 minutes.
The add-ons add up at Center Parcs: it’s jolly enough to try fencing, but at £43 for just under an hour, it’s also jolly expensive – plus you have to accompany your child and join in, so that relaxation is ebbing away by the minute. It costs just under £1 a minute to take an electric boat out on the lake. And while cycling around the largely car-free campus is preferable to walking, hiring bicycles adds significantly to your mini-break cost: expect at least £100 extra on your bill for a family of four.
Center Parcs has become such a ubiquitous backup – the holiday equivalent of a Pret sandwich – that an adult I know went to celebrate a friend’s 30th in a lodge (shockingly, no children were in attendance). He recalls: “I played lots of games of badminton, because it was the only thing that didn’t cost an arm and a leg.”
He and the lads went to the on-site pub to watch football matches on a big screen, but otherwise managed to spend most of their time in the lodge, drinking beer and playing board games, “and doing nothing remotely adventurous or spending more than a few minutes out of doors”. But that is pretty easy to do at Center Parcs. With the exception of the Subtropical Swimming Paradise, there is nothing original, or even unusual, to do here.
In a country like Scotland, teeming with reasonably priced (up to very luxurious) cottages and castles for hire (see below for some of the best), it seems a shame to stay in a lodge that takes your local community centre as design inspiration. And while there are many activities available, even leaving aside the exorbitant prices (£54 for the privilege of me leading my own children in building a den in the woods?), they may not be what you most want to do, if a weekend in nature is what you fancy.
Sure, you could settle for “footgolf” or an “elf hunt”. But if you fancy a trip to Scotland, book a cottage with character, in a place with great views, and spend your time enjoying real nature.
Center Parcs requires a minimum stay of three nights, costing from £399 in a two-bedroom lodge. Far better to explore one of Scotland’s rich selection of family-oriented hotels and resorts to visit that offer self-catering accommodation, and with outdoor activities for all ages.
This group has hotels around Scotland, including in Peebles, in the Borders. Rooms cost from £185, but you can also stay locally in an Airbnb and book a day pass for activities at the hotel; £35 grants a day’s access to more than 13 activities, including a treetop adventure, axe throwing, crazy golf and woodland combat.
These eco-friendly and stylish treehouses on the banks of the River Teith, in Perthshire, plonk visitors in the heart of the woodland setting, on the edge of Trossachs National Park, yet are only an hour from both Glasgow and Edinburgh. On-site activities include a range of stunning riverside and woodland walks (wellies available), BBQ firepits, bird watching, and fly fishing (must book in advance). From £245 per night.
In Stirling, these exquisite modern cabins, sleeping at least four people, make the most of sweeping views of the loch, and cost from £550 for four nights. Activities include cycling (£15 for local hire) and canoeing (£80 for the duration of your stay; unavailable in bad weather).
Other excellent companies with pretty Scottish holiday cottages include Canopy & Stars (unusual places to stay in the wild), Mount Freedom Cabins (beautifully set log cabins on the Ayrshire coastal path), Cottages & Castles (does what the name says, and from £263 for a week’s stay) and Crabtree and Crabtree (charming places, from £218 for three nights).